LP 24/7 365: My second skype call with Heather:)

 I had my second session with Heather today. It was great! 

My challenge this week was to look for positives, add the process and edit my thoughts. Heather said that she wanted to hear at least ONE positive change. 




I must admit that before our call today I wondered if I had one. Because I have notised many limiting beliefs this week. And I could have done so much better.... I suddenly became aware that it was hard for me NOT to tell the bad stuff. Felt wrong or untrue to leave that behind.. 




 I have done a couple of really good process sessions. And I have coached myself. I have done two really great moments when I used a relaxation tool, to completely change how I felt. I have done some really great changes! 




As you understand, I have been in and out of the pit. The result is somewhere in between. I have done some really good work, but not really recognizing it. The brain have been trained to look for negatives for so many years, and that is what the brain is used to do. So the result is that I am watering out my own achivements. 





I have realized so many things this week. I have been duing complexity about it all, watering out my achivements, trying to hard, and so on.




During my talk with Heather today I feel that I have sorted out A LOT. I am going to focus on taking small steps. I do not need to fix anything. What a relief! I can just think about what I can focus on right now, or in the next half hour, to create a good feeling. 

Coach has now become my best  friend, wich is great! And I choose to look ONLY for positives. Make a stop on everything else. And my big challenge is to show joy and positivity with my entire body. With body language and posture! I do not think I have realized just HOW important this is before now.





I have done a great job all evening after our talk. I REALLY feel that I can do this now. I am going to make it fun and easy, trigger the good neurology that I really need!




One minute, one hour, nne day at the time.




SO, thats the end of negative focus here on the blog as well!


From now on you will hear only the good stuff:)


My achivements, and how I am moving forward to a life I love.




Tomorrow and sunday I am going to attend the wonderful self-development course called Unique Mind ESP. I will recieve a lot of healing there, I can hardly wait:)






DO a wonderful weekend everybody:)

My story, Part 1: Hell on earth....

"When I become 30, my life will go to hell..."




Those were the words I said, as a joke, when I was 29 years old. I didnt know then, that those words soon would become my  reality...




Until that moment, I had a "normal" life, status married with two children, working 100%, areobic instructor
in my leisure. We was renovating our old house by ourselves, at the same time as we lived in a non-functioning marriage.  Since then I have learned a great deal about myself and my life. The direction had been "wrong" for many years, I just didnt know it. I didnt know then, what kind of patterns I was running over and over. I was not  conscious of it. I didnt have any knowledge of how the body works, how thoughts, feelings and reality is close related.





11. May 2007. I will never forget it. I was at work at the hospital when I felt that "something" happened in my head. Then, suddenly, I could not remember anything, I was dizzy and wanted to faint. I was sent to the emergency room and examined. They found nothing. It wasnt until several hours later that  I started to recognize my body, and it was delicious. But in the evening it all started over again .... what happens?




I did not know it then, but I just had experienced my first panic attack. I was not aware that it is possible to become so sick .... To make a long story short, I have been through all types and degrees of anxiety, all the symptoms of the list. The panic attacks was so strong that I threw up, lost the feeling in the face, legs and arms. I hid myself under the covers, was unable to be with my kids or go out, could not eat and went quickly down 10 kg. Did not sleep for several months, heard only the heart that pounded like a freight train inside the chest. My hands trembled, my  tongue was shaking, all the muscles in the body stiffened and it was hurting all over. The lymphatic system worked poorly. This was followed by depression, gastritis, hormones out of balance, more and extreme anxiety. Anxiety is the most horrible feeling there is. I was getting worried that I was about to go crazy.




Desperate, I tried to find help. At my doctors office, psychologist, psychomotor therapist, the local health food store,  like-minded, online .. But my situation was getting worse and eventually I was taking so strong medication to sleep that I could not move. The muscles were completely knocked out, but I was still not sleeping. At the psychologist office I could not get any help. ZERO. He was superior and had a bad attitude. He looked "down" at me. I came to see him once a week. All he wanted to know, was how I felt. No advice on what I could do to get better. But he wanted to give me happy pills. I did not want any. Will I become well again?  I asked. No, the anxiety, it will be there always, he said. I did not come back to his office.




I did not know then, that I could not get the help I needed OUTSIDE of myself. The key, all I'd need, lay hidden somewhere I would never think of looking; INSIDE myself. I did not know, that I was the teacher I wanted, that I, little me, be able to fix all this ...




I went out into the woods to find the answer within myself. A wise woman told me to do so. A strange feeling ... When was the last time I listened to myself? What happened then, when I finally listened to myself, was that it all bubbled over. All the terrible things I had experienced, all the suppressed emotions came out, situation after situation rolled through my awareness. I could not stop it. Then I got an enormous pressure in my head. I got back home and went into the shower. Then, my body litteraly collapsed.  The muscles were relaxing, I could hardly walk. From there, it was not long before I was lying in bed without having to manage shaking and I could hardly walk. All the muscles in my body lost their function. On top of everything, I had got ME.





I asked to be admitted to a psychiatric clinic, I wanted to be drugged and slip away. You are too healthy, the doctor said ...




I got brainfog and did not even remember my own name. Lay in bed and had to have dinner there, could barely lift my hand to eat. Pull yourself together, my mother said ....




It became worse and worse.




The bottom was reached.




The thought of life was worse than the thought of death....

LP 24/7 365: week 2 and another turning point:)

First I want to tell that I have been doing some great discoveries the last days. I was talking to a friend of my parents on facebook. I asked her about her RA. (I know, Heather, I focused on sickness by doing that, but you know, that was before you "moved in" with me). She said some words wich made a big difference to me. It may seem strange to others that those exact words made a difference. For most people it is an of course thing. She said: "life is not over if you get a RA diagnose"...




Wow! My life is not over!! Well, of course it is not, you might think. But those words told me a lot of what I have been telling myself. I realized then, that I have been putting my life on hold for a very long time! I have been waiting, duing a lot of bodychecking to find out what would happen next, see how ill I would become, before I would do anything more in my life. I thought that my life was over, so to say. And I thought that all I could do was to try to survive in the condition I would end up.




I remember I thought things like: It is no point in buing new boots, because my feets will start swell any minute now, and they will not fit into any shoes at all. I guess I will have to use slippers all year long.



How is that for a "good one"??? 

Anyway, those words from my parents friend helped me. By saying them to myself, I realized that I am still me, I still have a life, I can buy new boots, I can still do good, I can still experience nature and good times. I do not need to put my life on hold, I do not need to lay down and die (...), I can actually start to LIVE again, instead of putting my life on hold. It made me HAPPY!




I have done some great days because of that discovery:)




And again, I remind myself that I need to heal myself from within. It means that I can focus on other things than my body, and that is truly a relief.




Recently, I have been able to help some people I know who is duing ME. That feels wonderful. It is so many that for some reason just will not listen on that ear... So when someone do, it really feels great. So for my friend who is now seriously thinking about doing LP instead of ME, YOU GO GIRL!!

TODAY I have done another turning point in my LP journey. I had my first skype call with Heather Thomas. She was my LP instructor when I did ME, and she is my number ONE. I am so HAPPY that she can be my guru:) 




Today we did some great improvements, and she reminded me of a lot of the essential and important aspects of the LP. Among other things I learned about the importance of good coaching. I recognize that my coaching have not been as good as it needs to be. To really step into the self esteem, firmness, kindness and posture that the coach need, to adress the issues, is something I need to focus up on.




Limiting beliefs is another important issue for me. I have to repeat what I decide to believe in, again and again, to get old-Camilla to accept the changes I am determined to do.





I am happy that Heather will guide me through these first weeks. It is of great importance that someone are there to help. I think the keys for me is determination and to be consistent. Also, of course, to adress the issues at once, by adding the LP:)




Friday will be my next session with Heather, and I will tell more about how I am duing later.




Do a great day everybody!!

I want to tell my story...

At the beginning of May this year I decided to tell my story. Because I am sharing my LP journey in english, I think it is a good idea to share some earlier posts in english as well. I can reach more people this way. Maybe help more people. The world needs that we share. So, here are the first post, I will get back to you as soon as I have the others in english. Have patience with my english, please:)



"After the great health challenges in recent years I have trawled the net for alternative ways to regain myhealth. In this way, I found the blog of Trine Grung. I contacted her and after a few emails back and forth, she asked me if I wanted to share my story on her blog.
After much thinking I said yes. It was important for me to remain anonymous at the time, so I did not tell it to anyone. Just to write the story was pretty bad, and I was not ready to share in full transparency.




Recently, however, which matured in me. To share in the full disclosure is absolutely fine. There is so much prejudice out there, so much is taboo. For this reason, it is just more important to share. I know that I'm not the only one in the world who have experienced things like this. And unlike before, I will no longer hide. I need not be afraid of others' reactions, because I am more confident in myself. 




I have a new goal in life. It is twofold. I will work towards improving health, and not least, I want to help others.So here is my first post. I will post the other soon. Appreciate the comments and if you have any questions then just ask."

The first days of LP 24/7 365

Its been almost a week since I started my new LP journey. During this first week  I have worked on my motivation. It seems that I have a deep belief inside, wich says:  "my life is over because of the RA". And I am duing struggle to get past it. In other words I have indentified some of my limiting beliefs, wich is good!


Theese are the NLP books I ordered from amazoon:


Coaching With NLP, Joseph O`Connor & Andrea Lages
NLP Workbook, Joseph O`Connor
Introducing NLP, Joseph O`Connor & Jane Seymour
NLP The new technology of achivement, Steve Andreas and Charles Faulkner, The NLP comprehensive training team.


So now I have enough to read:)
So far I have been just reading a little here and a littlie there. They seem very good to me:)


All my life I have been duing "worst case senario" thoughts. I truly believe that by duing that, I have got myself into a lot of trouble. 


During the week, I have had my ups and downs. Duing stuggle one day, hope the next. I have a whole set of tools I use when I work on my self development. I focus as much as I can all the time, on thinking enhancing thoughts. Useful thoughts. I coach myself a lot. But I have not been doing the process a lot. I have definitively been visiting the pit. 



My issue is, and I believe I said so last time as well, that my limited beliefs are so strong that I have to work on them A LOT. 
And, I think it is hard (or more precisely I am DUING difficult) to go through the process when I am in pain.


By the way, I have started to say words as "pain" in a very funny way. I say it with a very light and baby-like voice, like it is a very little weak word. I want to take the power away from the word, so my body don`t need to react in a negative way about it. When I think or speak like that I start to smile or laugh:)
To write negative words in small letters are also useful. Or just to replace them with other, better words. 
For example I do not use the words "must", "have to" or "should have" any more. Instead I use the much better word "can". You can try it, it really makes you feel better:)


I have discovered some limiting beliefs this week. I have also discovered that they are not true:)


If anyone have stories to tell, or advise to give I would be happy to hear or recieve:)


Love from me


more later...

Day 2

I could sleep longer than usual this morning, because I had evening shift at the hospital. ME LIKE to sleep longer. I have been at my kids school, in a meeting with my daugthers teacher. She had just nice things to say, and that is wonderful.

I visited my chiropractor today, because my back have been very bad lately. I have visited the chiropractor for several years now. Today I also got a massage, wich was wonderful. I feel so much better in my back now:) What a relief.




Today I have done a different day than I did yesterday. I have done pain because of my turning point walk. So the joints was painful, and I did fear about it. I also did sadness and hopelessness:(  In other words, "Old-Camilla" - as I like to call the old me - came on a visit today. And "old-Camilla" is not doing so much focus on the process:( However, she is my old friend, so I didn`t kick her out either, hehe.




I have also done fear because I decided to tell  "everybody" about my 365 days plan. I have been doing perfectionism about it as well. And performance anxiety, because I think I must do well now that I have "gone public".




It is actually quite funny how we people are:) So I have replaced this thoughts with the fact that I am doing this for myself. That is the main thing. I found out that the best that can happen, is that I become well and healthy. The worst that can happen, is that I remain sick, but that I am mentally much better than I would be without using the process, and maybe I can help someone because I write about this in my blog. So, it is a win-win situation!





I must admit that I have been in "the pit"  today. I have not done  the process as it "should" be done.. 
I have ,however, done quite calm, and I meditated once during the day. 
I also started to make a song. This song is about myself, and I am going to make it a song that I can sing all day long, to remind me how great I am. The song needs humor, so that I can do fun when I sing it:) And it is going to contain important reminders for myself.


Today is a important day. Today is your whole life. You have 24 hours, 1440 minutes, 86400 seconds, wich you can use to detect, to wonder, to work, to love, to laugh, to play. And to choose useful thoughts. To forget right or wrong, good or bad, and rather to focus on what is useful, and life-enhancing <3.





SMILE

DAY 1

TURNINGPOINT!

I wanted to do something extra to mark this special day. To mark my turning point. So after I sent the kids off to school, I went for a walk. I did good thoughts all morning, and I did a good, optimistic feeling as a result. I walked for about 2 hours in the forrest and up the mountain. I LOVE to be in the nature. I found a "hug-tree". I often do that. When I feel I want to hug a tree, I take the first and best tree, put my arms around it and hugs it for a while. The nature vibrates at a wonderful healing level. To hug a tree can be a strong spiritual experience. I get the sence of standing grounded, with strong roots. I can stand safe in the storm and all kinds of resistance, still grounded, still tall and strong. I compare my own life with the tree`s life. You could try it sometime, I like it:) 

Its been a long time since I took a walk like this. I loved it. I also did some yelling there in the forrest, happy yelling, just because I felt like doing so. Heather, my one and only, made a comment on that at the seminar. She said that I need to show with my whole body and the way I speak, everything that is positive. Like I really mean it. To really trigger the good emotions. That`s what I did up there in the mountain. 



I have stayed on track the whole day, I have been doing focus, and not really needed to do the process at all. When I did a thought that is not life-enhancing, it was enough to spot it and choose a useful thought instead. 


I visited my sister today.
I made good food for the kids before they went to sleep.
I have been doing good memories:)


I have been doing pain in the evening after the walk.
I have not been doing fear about it. 


I have decided that I am going to keep moving/exercising as much as possible, because it is so important, and something that is really life-enhancing. So I will adjust the degree of training after the degree of pain.




I have noticed some doubt and fear today. 
I have noticed some pain and focus on sickness.


I have replaced it with: I am the ONLY one in this particular situation. I do not have to think of what have happened to others. I have nothing to fear now, because I can do the process. I am here TODAY. TOMORROW has not yet arrived, NOONE can tell the future. And I can have a say in how things is going to be. The important moment is right now. As always when you start to do something new, you will do resistance. It is like a child that normally goes to bed at 9 pm. If you decide that she is now going to bed at 8 pm, she will not automatically accept it. It`s the same with new thoughts. If you hold on to them, the old thoughts will start to accept the new way. 

I am not going to heal any sickness or condition, I am going to heal myself. That means that I can do less focus on the joints, and more focus on doing a life I love. 


I have a box with small paper hearts in. I am writing affirmations on them, and useful things that I can focus on during the day. I think it is helpful for me to focus on something positive than to walk around and look for thoughts that is not life-enhancing:) For example I can write this on one paper heart: "today I want to focus on being my own best friend", or "today I want to focus on talking with my inner child", or "today I want to find as much to laugh about as posible", or "what would love do in this situation", or "focus on forgiveness", "focus on being grateful", or just a nice quote I like to remind me of something important, like: "take a road less travelled by, make miracles", or " trust the things you can not see, and you will see the things that you trust". Still working on this box:)


DO A GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY, 
AND DO A GOOD DAY TOMORROW!!






SMILE

Some more pictures from my turning point walk:)